if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
