Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You're like the curious george of whores
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
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