I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
