omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
