Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
