..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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