I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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