you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
