no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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