wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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