I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
