He uses pillows to masturbate.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I will pee on everything he values.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
