she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
