the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Who died my cat blue again?
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