they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
