All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
