Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
