The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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