That's when you crack a 10am beer
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
