I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
