So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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