I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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