I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
