I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Dicks are not precious.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
