It's like God shit irony all over that family
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Randomize
