I hate your face
we made out on top of his cat.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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