I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
