Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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