Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I woke up under a house in Key West
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