Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
