Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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