I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
