How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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