i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
