if i can run in heels then i can drive
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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