i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
