Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
