god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
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