i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
