Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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