did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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