My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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