Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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