Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
