I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
