if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
