its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
