Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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