You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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