I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
