Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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