omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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