just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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