Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
